Faced with workplace tension? Learn how to deal with condescending coworkers with HR strategies that foster respect, communication, and a positive work culture
In The Devil Wears Prada, Runway magazine editor-in-chief Miranda Priestly belittles her employees and talks to them in a patronizing way. Everyone is always nervous and on edge, afraid of saying the wrong thing. The atmosphere at work changes the moment she walks in.
This is the effect that a toxic and arrogant figure has on the workplace. In this article, we’ll share individual toolkits for dealing with condescending coworkers, bosses, and colleagues. We’ll go over the causes and effects of this harmful behavior and what the entire organization can do to address it.
When an employee is condescending, they tend to:
Not everything needs HR’s intervention at the onset. When dealing with a coworker who belittles others, here’s what employees should do:
Going head-to-head with a condescending colleague can escalate the situation, so it’s best not to react impulsively. Encourage the employee to:
Talking to someone who's had experience with a condescending coworker can offer insights and tried-and-tested approaches. Before employees have that conversation, ask them to check their intentions and mindset:
Talking with a manager or mentor offers wisdom and a detached, objective view of what could be an emotional situation.
When speaking to a condescending coworker, employees should keep these pointers in mind:
Use “I” statements in stating how the other employee’s actions affected them. Avoid statements that start with “you” - they could sound accusatory, putting the other employee on the defensive
Focus on the behavior, not the person. State what happened in an objective, factual manner
Practice active listening. Allow the offending employee the time and space to share their side – they might not have been aware that they were acting in a condescending manner
Document action taken. The employee should take note of the date, time, action, and outcome of the meeting. It would help to keep this as a record of steps taken, in case HR needs to step in
Ignoring such negative behavior won’t make it go away; it often worsens over time. Addressing it protects employees’ well-being and reinforces a culture of respect in the workplace.
Let’s face it, employees will need to take a slightly different approach when dealing with a condescending boss. Taking action will require a lot of courage, so HR managers should support and encourage employees as much as they can.
Here’s what employees should do when their boss is being condescending:
Stay calm and professional. Take deep breaths. Whatever they do, employees should not lash out against their boss! They should decide if that is the time and place to speak to the boss about their behavior
Assess for feedback. Ask employees to sift through the tone and approach to get to the heart of the message: did their boss offer helpful feedback?
Encourage employees to talk to the boss in private. The employee should choose a time when the boss will be most receptive to feedback. Requesting to talk to the boss after back-to-back meetings, for example, might not be a good idea
Document all incidents in case employee needs to escalate the case to HR
The points that follow are the most important points to remember – remind your employees to:
Be confident in their abilities! Having a condescending boss can chip away at their self-esteem. The employee must make a conscious effort to build on their self-esteem by being gentle with themselves, doing challenging things, and celebrating successes
Look after themselves. Practice self-care and seek support every chance they get. Encourage them to speak to a counsellor through your company’s employee assistance program if that’s available
Narcissistic managers call for a different approach. Here are best practices on how to deal with a narcissistic boss.
In this section, we’ll go over strategies for employees who treat their team leads in a condescending way. This does happen, especially when:
Here are some ideas on how team leads and managers can deal with their condescending employees:
Don’t take things personally: It will be very tempting to lash out, especially when the employee has undermined their manager’s authority. Managers can talk to their team member in private later
Evaluate the comment for constructive feedback: Is there any insightful feedback beneath the abrasive tone? If the team member has good insight but low EQ or poor communication skills, these could be areas for development
Neutralize body language: Maintaining positive body language helps avoid any conflict. This is good practice during the incident and when the manager speaks to their team member about their behavior
Have an open conversation: The manager should set a time to speak with the employee in private. They can point out how the employee’s behavior is affecting others at work. Managers should document everything while using progressive discipline as an approach
Set an example: Everyone, especially managers and company leaders, should be models of good behavior toward each other
Any conversations and actions taken should be recorded in the team member’s performance review.
There are several surprising reasons behind condescending behavior; some of them even sound contradictory or ironic. Just the same, it helps to keep these in mind to provide context and understanding:
Need to cover up insecurities – A person usually acts in a superior way to hide their own incompetence or insecurities
Narcissistic behavior – On the flip side, the narcissistic employee has an inflated view of their talents and abilities
Learned behavior – A condescending coworker might have picked up the behavior from authority figures, whether at home or at work. In the workplace, employees who see this behavior from their bosses might think that this is the way to show authority
Beyond the psychological reasons behind condescending behavior, there are other internal and external factors:
Lack of awareness – The condescending coworker could be unaware of the effect their speech and actions have on others
Unconscious biases – The individual could be showing unconscious bias towards a specific group based on gender, age or experience. Younger colleagues, for example, might tend to look down on older coworkers and their limited tech skills
Stress and burnout – employees who are stressed are less patient. They tend to snap or speak down to others, which is part of condescending behavior
These aren’t reasons to let the behavior to go unchecked. These are meant to offer some context, leading to longer-term solutions.
A study on incivility in the workplace reveals that hurtful actions (which includes condescending behavior) inflict lasting damage on employees and the organization. The study discussed these problem areas:
poor work performance: A survey conducted as part of the study revealed that employees who felt disrespected performed poorly. Sixty-six percent said that their performance declined; 78 percent said that they were no longer as committed to the organization
low-performing and unhappy employees: When employees feel belittled all the time, it affects their self-esteem. This leads to poor well-being, poor engagement, and high employee turnover rates
lower levels of collaboration and innovation: This isn’t surprising; creativity and courage are stifled when faced with the fear of humiliation from a condescending coworker
poor customer experience: one out of every four employees who were targets of bad behavior admitted to taking their frustrations out on customers. This also reflects poorly on the organization
exposure to legal risks: Condescending behavior could lead to bullying, harassment and discrimination, leading to formal complaints or lawsuits. HR teams will need to take proactive steps to prevent these escalations
These situations create a toxic workplace, leading to a host of other issues that can hurt your company’s reputation.
Employers have a responsibility to make the workplace safe for everyone. This includes protecting employees from their colleagues’ hurtful, patronizing behavior. What are some steps that HR leaders can take to prevent this negative behavior at work?
A solid code of conduct to reinforce the importance of respect at work is a good starting point. An educational campaign to drum up awareness should be in place as well.
Training sessions can focus on the importance of emotional intelligence, active listening, and mindful communication. It’s best to schedule these sessions and workshops throughout the year, serving as introductory training for new joiners and a refresher for existing employees.
Pulse surveys and anonymous questionnaires would help too. HR can adjust and improve training programs based on feedback.
Workplace stress can lead to rising incivility according to Gallup’s State of the Workplace 2024 report. It also says that 41 percent of employees experience high stress levels, with workplace structure and leadership playing a key role.
Well-being programs can help, but only if they’re more than a quick fix, says the report. A long-term solution is to address the root causes of stress, such as heavy workloads, poor leadership, and poorly designed job roles.
HR leaders can take action by reviewing workplace structures, gathering employee feedback, and creating a culture that supports well-being and psychological safety.
Leaders play a crucial role in setting an example and holding their teams accountable in upholding a respectful workplace. Treating employees with kindness and dignity will help create a workplace culture where respect is a priority.
Provide training in initiating difficult conversations to help address condescending behavior quickly. Include dealing with hostile behavior at work a part of their toolkit.
There are many reasons why employees might treat their colleagues or bosses poorly. A good starting point in addressing this issue is bringing awareness to the problem. This is best done collectively: from leadership to managers and their direct reports. Holding training sessions, workshops, and regular check-ins focusing on mindful communication help promote a culture of kindness and respect.
Stress is a major source of incivility, and that’s no surprise. People who are stressed tend to be curt, rude, and impatient toward others. Looking at the sources of stress and addressing the root causes are significant ways to address condescending behavior at work.
These efforts require employers and HR teams to invest time, energy, and resources to reinforce the need for civility at work. It won’t be easy, but the long-term rewards – a peaceful work environment, a satisfied workforce, a good reputation for the company – will be worth it.
How does your organization deal with condescending coworkers? Let us know in the comments below
