Alternatives to swearing at work

The ‘f’ word has crept its way into the lexicon of offices everywhere. What sort of alternatives are out there to this most versatile of words?

Well, here’s a sample HR memo with some handy suggestions.

Dear Staff

It has been brought to the CEO's attention that some individuals throughout the organisation have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1. Instead Of: You don't have a f-ing clue, do you?
   Try Saying: I think you could do with more training
    
2. Instead Of: She's f-ing power-crazy
   Try Saying: She's an aggressive go-getter.
    
3. Instead Of: And when the f--- do you expect me to do this?
   Try Saying: Perhaps I can work late
    
4. Instead Of: F--- off
   Try Saying: I'm certain that isn't feasible
    
5. Instead Of: Well f- me backwards with a telegraph pole
   Try Saying: Really?
    
6. Instead Of: Tell someone who gives a f---.
   Try Saying: Perhaps you should check with...
    
7. Instead Of: Not my f-ing problem.
   Try Saying: I wasn't involved in the project.
    
8. Instead Of: What the f---?
   Try Saying: That's interesting.
    
9. Instead Of: No f-ing chance mate.
   Try Saying: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.
    
10. Instead Of: Why the f--- didn't you tell me that yesterday?
    Try Saying: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in
     
11. Instead Of: He's got his head up his f-ing arse.
    Try Saying: He's not familiar with the issues
     
12. Instead Of: Hey, f--- face.
    Try Saying: Excuse me, sir?
     
13. Instead Of: Yeah, who needs f-ing holidays anyway.
    Try Saying: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway