Leadership expert suggests ways to de-escalate workplace arguments as they arise
Resolving workplace conflict is an inevitable part of the job for HR managers. Oftentimes, resolution is as easy as bringing aggrieved parties together in a neutral space to find an amicable solution. After all, everyone is on the same team.
But in the heat of the moment, with tempers flaring and any possibility of calm, controlled discourse thrown out the window, how do you take control of the situation and brings things back down?
Leadership author and Harvard Business Review contributor Liane Davey suggests five ways to de-escalate workplace arguments:
Instead of listing reasons they’re wrong, understand that there is likely an underlying frustration, embarrassment, or feeling of neglect behind the outburst. Showing that you’re listening and genuinely trying to understand their perspective can go a long way.
“You’ll immediately see the effect of validating someone who has felt ignored,” she said. “Their shoulders will drop, they’ll take a breath, and you’ll have a window to open a dialogue.
“Adopt a neutral posture – neither leaning in nor out – and tone of voice,” she said. “Sit upright with your arms at your sides, and fight the urge to lean in, push back, or cross your arms in defense. Talk at the pace, pitch, and volume that you normally speak in. Use every cue you have to signal that this is just another conversation and one you’re comfortable engaging in.”
“It could fan the flames and suggest that your initial attempts to validate the person were only self-serving ploys to make the situation less aversive for you,” she said. Davey suggests asking open-ended questions meant to illuminate their side, rather than reinforce yours.
“Notice that these questions don’t explicitly ask for emotional answers but instead leave room for the person to express how they’re feeling or what they’re worried about,” she said. “The questions are so neutral that your colleague’s answers will reveal a lot about what’s really going on.”
But in the heat of the moment, with tempers flaring and any possibility of calm, controlled discourse thrown out the window, how do you take control of the situation and brings things back down?
Leadership author and Harvard Business Review contributor Liane Davey suggests five ways to de-escalate workplace arguments:
- Don’t disagree
Instead of listing reasons they’re wrong, understand that there is likely an underlying frustration, embarrassment, or feeling of neglect behind the outburst. Showing that you’re listening and genuinely trying to understand their perspective can go a long way.
- Show support
“You’ll immediately see the effect of validating someone who has felt ignored,” she said. “Their shoulders will drop, they’ll take a breath, and you’ll have a window to open a dialogue.
- Watch your body language
“Adopt a neutral posture – neither leaning in nor out – and tone of voice,” she said. “Sit upright with your arms at your sides, and fight the urge to lean in, push back, or cross your arms in defense. Talk at the pace, pitch, and volume that you normally speak in. Use every cue you have to signal that this is just another conversation and one you’re comfortable engaging in.”
- Don’t lead the witness
“It could fan the flames and suggest that your initial attempts to validate the person were only self-serving ploys to make the situation less aversive for you,” she said. Davey suggests asking open-ended questions meant to illuminate their side, rather than reinforce yours.
- Dig into the emotions
“Notice that these questions don’t explicitly ask for emotional answers but instead leave room for the person to express how they’re feeling or what they’re worried about,” she said. “The questions are so neutral that your colleague’s answers will reveal a lot about what’s really going on.”