Learn how to deal with a narcissist boss with practical tips to manage difficult interactions, protect your mental health, and take action when needed
Updated: February 17, 2025
Does your CEO demand unwavering loyalty? Do they refuse to take accountability for their mistakes? Or blame others when something goes wrong? Well, then, you may be dealing with a narcissistic boss.
The term “narcissistic” comes from Narcissus, a figure in Greek mythology who became obsessed with his own reflection in the water. Narcissistic people are often self-obsessed and self-serving, making successful leaders yet unpleasant colleagues.
For HR practitioners, having a narcissist at the helm of your company can be a nightmare. Everything from hiring to firing, strategy to diversity, becomes a minefield. This leaves practitioners stressed, depressed, and overwhelmed.
Here, HRD looks at how to deal with a narcissist boss, how to rise above the drama and take the HR high road.
Narcissism can take many different forms across a wide, varying spectrum. Spotting it is tricky, but the main traits of a narcissistic leader are:
Most people will show one or more of these traits on occasion; having a bad day doesn't make you a narcissist. Anyone who displays these traits on a daily basis, without shame or remorse, is a narcissist. Here are other signs of a narcissist leader.
HR leaders need to follow specific strategies when dealing with a narcissistic leader. Some of these may sound passive at first, but we’ll go over more proactive steps later on to address the issue.
Narcissists are self-absorbed, have a lack of empathy, and a high sense of entitlement. They see themselves as superior but deep inside, they are extremely insecure. They demand attention and praise from everyone around them.
The High Conflict Institute (HCI) says it’s likely that this behavior started in childhood, or even before that:
"You are not going to change their personality or get them to look in the mirror at their own behavior,” Bill Eddy, co-founder of HCI, said in a blog post. “Instead, you need to manage them in small ways that help you cope on a daily basis.”
Here’s a good tip on how to handle a narcissist boss: try not to take their remarks to heart.
Eddy suggests using the EAR framework, which stands for empathy, attention, and respect. It's a framework designed to help manage high-conflict personalities by showing limited, strategic empathy to de-escalate confrontations.
Using EAR when dealing with a narcissist boss could mean:
Throughout this interaction, remember:
The most important point to remember: this is not about you. This is about your narcissist boss and their own insecurities.
HR leaders must draw the line when a leader's narcissism affects the organization. HR leaders have a duty to address leadership behaviors that create a hostile workplace, violate labor laws, or risk legal action.
Taking action involves:
having a strong whistleblower policy: Employees should feel empowered to raise issues with HR or a workplace committee
reinforcing HR policies to set boundaries: this applies to everyone, especially the leadership team. CEOs should follow their own policies on setting boundaries with employees
consulting legal counsel: Find out if the narcissistic boss’ behavior poses any legal risks to the organization and to its employees
Take notes of the impact these narcissistic behaviors have. You may need to refer to these records later on.
Minimizing conflict at work is an artform HR leaders have perfected over time. In the midst of the chaos, in the heat of an argument, HR must refrain from biting back.
Use this skill when you’re dealing with your CEO. No matter what they say, or how offensive it is, keep a level head. At the same time, don’t allow yourself to be beaten down and bullied by misbehaving leaders.
Set boundaries on unacceptable behavior. In doing so, you become a good example for the rest of the workforce.
If your boss’ narcissistic traits continue to pose a risk to the company, escalate the issue to the board. When the time comes, be ready to:
present evidence: this is where your notes and detailed records will be useful. Look at attrition rates, engagement survey results, and feedback to back your claims
hire consultants: input from experts in leadership can highlight the harmful effects of narcissistic behavior to the organization
recommend executive coaching: the key is to position it as a program to boost the leader’s qualities. Show how it can benefit them; play up to their sense of self-importance
This is an important step in dealing with a narcissistic boss in the workplace, so having detailed evidence will be crucial.
Narcissism can be both good and bad. A 2021 report on narcissistic leaders stated that some degree of narcissism can help an organization. For example, a narcissistic leader has no problems with making difficult decisions, especially in times of uncertainty. Such a leader can help transform their organization into one that’s dynamic and progressive.
That same paper talked about the narcissism-leadership-performance puzzle. In a nutshell, it said that low and high levels of narcissism hurt employee performance. It takes a leader with the right level of narcissism to get things done and inspire the workforce.
Highly narcissistic bosses have the worst effects on their teams:
they exploit the workforce – narcissistic leaders use their teammates to promote themselves and raise their profile further
they dominate others – they don’t delegate; all important decisions come from them, fueling their self-absorbed behaviors even more
they show off – narcissistic leaders want to be the focus; they don’t share credit with their teams
These result in low motivation and productivity, leading to high turnover rates. This underscores the importance of HR’s role in addressing toxic behaviors at work, especially from a narcissistic boss.
Working under a narcissist boss can be draining, but engaging with them is still part of your role. As an HR professional, you also have a responsibility to advocate for your colleagues in promoting a healthy, safe workplace.
How can you deal with a narcissist boss without letting them get the best of you?
Use a calm, even tone when answering questions. This should help de-escalate any potential conflict with your boss.
If it’s possible to limit your engagement, do that. Watch this video for more:
Working part of the time at home might help limit your interactions. This would be a good time to introduce a remote work policy, if you haven’t done that yet.
If your boss wants to push their own agenda, come prepared with policies, industry trends, or legal precedent to counter their plans. They can’t argue with data.
To get your boss to agree with your proposal, lay out the facts and show how they stand to benefit. For example, when seeking approval on a new program, do your research. Find out if other big-name CEOs are linked to these programs. Tell your boss how this will put them in the same league as other top leaders.
Surround yourself with trusted colleagues that you can confide in when you’re faced with challenging situations. Start building relationships with other executives or board members. The trust and rapport that you establish now can help you bring difficult issues to their attention.
Expand your circle beyond the workplace. Join networking groups with fellow HR professionals. You might pick up some best practice on how to deal with a narcissistic boss.
Make self-care practices that protect your emotional and mental well-being part of your everyday life. As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Look after yourself first so that you can show up for others who need you.
Does your organization have programs to support your workforce? An employee assistance program (EAP) can help you and your colleagues deal with difficulties at work.
Take a look at your performance review process – does it accurately capture good performance and behaviors and reward them?
These programs can give employee morale an added boost to counter any negativity in the workplace.
When dealing with a narcissist boss at work, your mental well-being is bound to suffer. Here are some ways you can look after yourself:
We touched on the importance of understanding narcissistic behavior earlier: that it’s about control, criticism, self-importance. It’s all about the narcissist’s role to validate themselves by putting others down. It is never about you.
It’s important to recognize this so that you can protect yourself from thoughts that might creep up. You might start second guessing yourself or doubting your abilities. Protect your mind against these beliefs.
This means going for sustainable self-care strategies such as:
Let’s go over each one to see how that can help you:
These practices with roots in Hindu and Buddhist teachings have become more mainstream in recent years. Through a regular practice, you develop a clear awareness of your thoughts, feelings, and sensations.
Studies have shown that mindfulness and meditation are essential to one’s overall health. These practices have been known to help with anxiety, stress, and burnout.
Physical activity has also been known to help combat stress and burnout. Regular exercise also improves self-esteem, which can take a beating when dealing with a narcissist boss. Do some form of exercise in your day. Consider walking or yin yoga for more gentle movement, boxing or running for a more dynamic workout.
A 1999 study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association looked at the effects of journaling on mental health. It found that writing about stressful events can reduce stress and anxiety.
Begin by writing one page a day in your journal. You can also look at resources online for journal prompts to help you get started.
The guidance of a trained counselor or therapist can help you cope with having a narcissist boss. Regular therapy sessions are a good way to unpack the difficulties at work. The therapist can suggest strategies that you can use when faced with triggers or any harmful emotions.
For other ideas to combat stress, read this guide to workplace stress management.
We’ve said this a few times, but it bears repeating: it’s about them, not you. Their need for control. Their insecurities. Their validation-seeking behavior.
Knowing this does not free them from responsibility, especially when their actions harm the organization. Take proactive steps in documenting toxic behaviors, especially those that pose long-term risks to company culture, employee retention, or legal compliance. Escalate issues to the board, backed by clear evidence.
So how does one deal with a narcissist boss? It calls for very specific strategies, some of which may seem counterintuitive. But if we were to sum things up: It’s not about you. Manage your interactions. Use facts and neutral language. And be prepared to escalate when needed.
What tactics have you found most effective when learning how to deal with a narcissistic boss? Let us know in the comments below
